Monday, March 28, 2005

The Lost Quotations

Here are quotations 31 to 45 that somehow were lost. All those quotations that I take pleasure in offering are taken from an ever-expanding personal collection (probably more than 3,500).

31. What goes around, comes around. If not examined too closely, it passes for justice. (Terry Pratchett)

Terry Pratchett is one of my favorite authors. I especially love the Discworld series where the action takes place on a 'planet' shaped like a giant disc that is spinning on the backs of four giant elephants that are themselves perched on the shell of Great A'Tuin, the star turtle. A new cosmology, but funny.

32. Laughter, like windshield wipers, allows you to go forward even though it won't stop the rain. (Gérard Jugnot)

33. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. (?)

34. Senescence begins
And middle age ends
The day your descendants
Outnumber your friends. (Ogden Nash)

35. How could God create the world in only six days? No unions! (?)

36. If your cow doesn't give milk, kill him. (Renau's Rural Rule)

37. Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself. (Rita Mae Brown)

38. One man's 'freedom fighter' is another's terrorist. (Peter Kornbluh)

39. Killing time is sometimes a case of self-defence. (Albert Brie)

40. All marriages are happy. It's the living together afterwards that causes all the trouble. (Raymond Hull)

41. Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right. (Woody Allen)

42. Public schools: a place of detention for children placed in the care of teachers who are afraid of the pricipal who is afraid of the schoolboards who are afraid of parents who are afraid of their children who are afraid of nothing at all. (?)

43. Typical American family: a boy, a girl, and a vasectomy. (Bob Alper)

44. Einstein: the greatest Jew since Jesus. (J.B.S. Haldane)

45. Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason. (?)

Until next time, live long and prosper.

Sunday, March 27, 2005

Look out! Ferocious rabbits!

Today is Easter and you should be aware that rabbits have had it and are ready to fight it out.

More quotes?

56. Talents make a difference, but follies make a sum. (Piet Hein)

57. High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead. (Christopher Morley)

58. Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything. (Fred Allen)

59. Foreign Aid: the transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries. (Bernard Rosenberg)

60. You cannot become happy, you can only be happy. (Adi Da Samraj)

Adi Da Samraj's real name is Franklin Jones.

61. Technology is the stuff that's invented after you're born. (Alan Kay)

62. Women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. (George Carlin)

63. Library: a retirement home for books. (Réjean Lévesque)

64. A friend is someone who knows you very well and loves you just the same. (Hervé Lauwick)

65. It's impossible to know if the refrigerator light really goes out when you close the door because you eat the only witnesses. (Tim Mazurinsky)

N.B. I have noticed that a post has somehow disappeared (quotes #31-45). Maybe the rabbits...

Thursday, March 24, 2005

And some more...

Some more quotations:

46. I have given everything to the sun, everything but my shadow. (Guillaume Appolinaire)

47. If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail. (Abraham Maslow)

48. All you need to start an asylum is an empty room and the right kind of people. (Bullock in My Man Godfrey- Eric Hatch)

49. Isn't it strange that we're [humans] the only species that suckles from another species [cows]. (T.Colin Campbell)

50. The last time I was in a woman I was visiting the Statue of Liberty. (Woody Allen)

51. Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin? (?)

52. If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex. (Art Hoppe)

53. A word (...) is the skin of a living thought. (Oliver Wendell Holmes)

54. Music is only love looking for words. (Lawrence Durrell)

55. If you want to be loved, be lovable. (Ovid)

Bye for now.

Saturday, March 19, 2005

More, more, more... How do you like it?

More quotations from "The Frictionary":

21. The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity. (Patrick Murray)

22. A dictator who dies means a Swiss bank shutting down (?)

23. To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so. (Robert Orben)

24. If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question. (Lily Tomlin)

25. Love is the crocodile on the river of desire. (Bhatrihari)

If you are wondering who Bhartrihari is, he lived in India in the 6th or 7th century. It is said that he was a king who renounced everything and became a philosopher and a poet. He wrote, "Life tembles, like a drop of water on the edge of a lotus leaf then it is swallowed by the wind. The wise fix their mind in Truth, which comes to all in the calm of self-surrender achieved by renunciation." He was not the one who said:

26. Love is never having to say "How much?" (?)

27. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat...(?)

28. TV is a wonderful thing. When you close your eyes, you could swear it's radio. (Francis Blanche)

29. Mirrors and copulation are abominable because they increase the numbers of men. (Jorge Luis Borges)

30. I plan to live forever. So far so good. (Steven Wright)

Until next time, peace.


Sunday, March 13, 2005

More quotes

More quotes for "The Frictionary":

5. No news is good news. No journalist is even better. (Nicolas Bentley)

6. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. (Justine Vogt)

You have probably guessed that when there is a '?' in the ( ) I don't know who is the author of the quotation, but if you have that information, please let me know and I will make the correction.

7. A cow that won't give milk is called "hamburger" (Attributed to George Gobel)

8. I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up. (Tom Lehrer)

9. Economists are people who work with numbers but who don't have the personality to be accountants. (?)

10. Dishonest people believe in words rather than reality. (Hugh Prather)

11. Sex is a cactus growing in the desert of love. (Patrick Coppens)

12. Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. (?)

13. There is only one remedy for love: running away. (Jean Anouilh)

Some of the quotes come from French-speaking authors (like #13); the translation is provided by yours truly.

14. A cynic is a person searching for an honest man with a stolen lamp. (Edgar A. Shoaff)

15. Roses are red, violets are blue.
I'm a schizophrenic, and so am I. (Frank Crow)

16. Taboos are like potato chips. People won't accept just one. (Marvin Harris)

17. Doesn't matter at what temperature the room is, it's always at room temperature. (Steven Wright)

Steven Wright is one of my favorite absurd author...

18. The marvellous thing about a joke with a double meaning is that it can only mean one thing. (Ronnie Barker)

19. Ignorance is the mother of admiration. (George Chapman)

20. Jazz is not dead, it just smells funny. (Frank Zappa)

That's all for now. Take care.

That's me...Rejean Posted by Hello

Friday, March 11, 2005

The Frictionary: It's a go!

Hi, my name is Rejean and I will be offering what I call "The Frictionary", a collection of quotes I think (I hope) will stimulate, even though sometimes they might go against the grain and be considered not very politically correct, and at times just be meant to amuse.
Friction causes heat- it might make you feel good but sometimes it may cause chafing.
The quotes will be numbered for reference purposes and the author will be mentioned in parentheses, if known. I will be using color to single out the quotes from my personal comments and ramblings.

1. A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married. (H.L. Mencken)

2. Cynicism is not a good thing, but it's better than being stupid (Bill Maher)

3. Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. (Mark Twain)

4. Adults do not believe in Santa, but they vote. (Pierre Desproges)

Your comments and thoughts are welcome.